


breaklights

by notabeachcommunity



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, Fluff, HOH character, How Do I Tag, M/M, Original Character(s), Trans Jake Dillinger, bipolar maria heere (implied), parents leaving, partially deaf mr. Heere, vitiligo jake dillinger, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 01:58:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16399235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notabeachcommunity/pseuds/notabeachcommunity
Summary: they were just kidswhy did she have to leave?(or : jeremy dreams about the good times and the bad and jakes there to help)





	breaklights

**Author's Note:**

> ....  
>  this is dumb

June 6th, 1987

 

It was a warm summer night. Jeremy and his older sister, Sarah, where both watching T.V. in the Heere’s tiny living room, with their smallish screen and old patterned couch, given to them by their mother’s aunt who passed away however many years ago. Now the old couch sits in their living room to rot away with the dustmite and moths (because there is no way Mrs. Heere will clean it - too dirty for her taste). 

The only light in the room was coming from the small television screen, and a flickering lamp sitting on a old wooden side table ; another hand-me-down, but this one came from Mr. Heere’s mother who moved into a home only a few months ago. The table was a new-ish addition to the Heere’s household. There was another light in the hallway connecting the rooms into the living area, but Jeremy and Sarah were watching a scary movie, which meant only one light minimum, since Jeremy was only six and still got nightmares about ghosts and monsters living under his bed.

Jeremy was curled up on the couch with a pillow, blanket, and his favorite stuffed animal, occasionally pulling the blanket over his head, just in case things got “too” scary. Sarah took the floor with her hoodie pulled over her head as she watched in wonder as the masked killer lurked outside of his next victims house. Jeremy watched in horror.

“Kids?” their mother called from the kitchen. 

She walked in and scolded at the state of the living room; blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals were everywhere. Over the couch, on tables, even next to the T.V. There were comics and teen magazines and nail polish and action figures spread out across the floor. Jeremy and Sarah were having one of their “sleepovers”, where they pretend to be best friends who aren’t related and come over to each other's houses and hang out and eat pizza and gossip about “whos the hotter celebrity”.

Jeremy and Sarah didn’t have that with anyone but each other. Mr. Heere thought it was cute, but Mrs. Heere just thought her daughter and son were sad and lonely.

“Yeah mom?” Sarah called from the floor, not taking her eyes off of the screen as the killer pulled out his knife, milliseconds away from murdering the innocent girl.

“Can you and your brother go to the 7/11 and get me some milk? We’re having breakfast for dinner tonight, to spice things up” she added with a playful wink.

“Uh… yeah… sure….” replied Sarah, not listening.

Her mother rolled her eyes. “Sarah, come on, now!” she said, irritated with her daughter’s attitude.

“Fine, fine”. Sarah got up and motioned for Jeremy to follow. He did, hesitantly, and set down his stuffed animal and went to go put on his shoes. Sarah helped him make sure his flip flops were on the right feet, so he wouldn’t trip and fall and get hurt. She grabbed her tattered backpack with her skateboard in it (just in case) and the money from her mother and walked out the door, Jeremy trailing behind.

As soon as they were out the door, Jeremy grabbed Sarah’s hand. It was a thing he always did, no matter where they were. If they were walking together anywhere, it was just normal for Jeremy to hold her hand. It was most likely a safety thing, because Sarah can remember when they all went to a school carnival and one of the littler kids got lost and ended up being abducted right in front of Jeremy, so he always had to hold Sarah’s hand.

They walked down the street to the 7/11, which was a few blocks away. Sarah dreamed of walking there one day with a group of friends, sneaking out at night to go hang out and smoke and skate and talk and have fun. She knew they were just dreams, and that she’d never meet friends that wasn’t her little brother, but it was still fun to think about.

Even if it did really hurt.

Sarah looked down at Jeremy. He was looking ahead, thinking about something. She couldn’t put her finger on it. He had a mix of confusion and a bit of fear, but otherwise neutral. She could never figure out what Jeremy was thinking, unless he told her. If, he told her.

Jeremy never talked. Ever since school started he would never talk unless he was forced to, and even then his voice was small and quiet and raspy from not speaking. She didn’t know why he never talked. She saw kids who tried to talk to Jeremy, but when he would just stare at them and not say anything, they would walk away, finding a new friend to play with. He got in trouble a lot at school with the teachers from not talking. When his teacher, Mrs. Dour, tried talking to their mother about it, she said she would ask him about it, but when he wouldn’t answer, she just grumbled a quiet “no wonder you don’t have any friends” as she walked away. It made both Jeremy and Sarah upset.

When Sarah could see the 7/11 in their perspective, she smiled and looked down at Jeremy; he was smiling too. 

“Hey Jer, how about I buy you some candy when we get in? I know mom doesn’t like us having any, but sometimes you just gotta say….” how do I say ‘fuck the rules’ to a 6 year old? Eh, screw it, he’ll learn eventually. “...fuck the rules” she finished, please whenever Jeremy’s smile grew brighter, and almost laughed. It looked like he wanted to laugh, but was afraid to, for whatever reason.

They walked into the familiar convenient store, and Jeremy let go of Sarah’s hand, only to go head for the candy. He smiled, trying to pick out which one he really wanted. It was a fight in his brain between the Hershey’s or the Milky Way, one where a new competitor, Snickers, also looked very pleasing to Jeremy’s eyes. He hesitated grabbing the bar, and locked eyes with Sarah, confirming if it was ok. She smiled and gave him a nod. Jeremy returned her smile and grabbed on for himself and Sarah, because he knew she didn’t get much candy at home either.   
They were talking and going over buy the refrigerated section when Jeremy stopped in his tracks. Sarah turned around, confused at what Jeremy was staring at, when she saw that a girl that looked around Jeremy’s age walked in with (what she would guess) her older brother.   
The girl was the prettiest person Jeremy had ever seen. She had dark skin, splotched with lighter patches all over her face and arms and legs, and even on her ears! She reminded him of a splatter painting Jeremy had seen at school once before, mixes of browns and tans to create a boring bland painting. But this girl was anything but bland and boring.   
She had short choppy hair, put into pigtails, somewhat like Sarah’s. Her hair was either a dark brown or a black, with white and lighter brown spread out in the rest of her hair, much like her face. And her eyes, oh my god, Jeremy thought they were fake at first. One of them was a beautiful deep forest green, with dark and light spots mixed in like little gold specks. Her other eye was a pale green, just as pretty, with light blue and teal spots, opposed to dark and light green.   
She was shorter than Jeremy by at least a few inches, and she was wearing completely wrecked overalls, with a, what used to be white, baseball shirt. She had bandaids all over her: on her cheeks, on her elbows, on her right knee cap, on her toes and fingers, and even on her nose, there was a yellow Bart Simpson one.   
She always seemed to smile, and be happy. Jeremy wish he could go over and talk to her and maybe even hug her, but he doesn’t want Sarah to tease.   
She was babbling to her older brother, who had light skin and floppy brown hair, and was wearing a hoodie with ripped jeans, and a beanie that pushed down his hair so it covered one of his eyes. Jeremy looked up at Sarah, who was staring dreamily at the boy. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s staring, thought Jeremy.   
The boy noticed us staring, and smiled and waved, and the little girl raised her hand as high as she could and waved like there was no tomorrow, yelling “HI!”, and smiling so big Jeremy thought her cheeks would fall off. He was surprised by the pretty girl actually looking over and waving, so his face turned different shades of red as he squeezed Sarah’s hand, hiding behind her leg.   
Sarah smiled softly, urging Jeremy to at least wave back. Hesitantly, Jeremy raised his hand to do a small wave, smiling shyly. The girl looked overjoyed at this and, while escaping her brother’s grasp, she ran over and hugged Jeremy. He was still, unsure of what to do, but eventually wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on her shoulder. She smelled like vanilla and sugar cookies, thought Jeremy.

She removed herself from Jeremy, smiling widely, and said “Hi! I’m Peyton Starlight Dillinger! I think you’re really cute and my brother thinks your sister - is that your sister? Anyways my brother thinks she’s cool looking and pretty and I think your pretty! And your freckles are cute and your face is cute and I -” she was cut off by her brother slapping his hand over her mouth, embarrassed by his sister’s behavior. His face was just as red as Jeremy’s.

“S-sorry about that, my little sister can get excited when she sees something she likes…” the boy apologized, grabbing Peyton from Jeremy.

“Oh you’re good dude, I’m just surprised Jeremy didn’t get super freaked. Normally he doesn’t like physical contact, but I think they like each other” Sarah smiled, trying to be polite. She was at a lost for words, considering this guy was super cute and nice and sweet to her. Apparently he’s new because no one ever from their school would talk to Sarah. She’s “too boyish” and “weird”.

The boy returned her smile. “I’m Kevin by the way, and you already know Peyton”. He held out his hand like someone would for a handshake, but made a fist instead. Sarah did the same and touched his hand, knuckle to knuckle. She gave a nervous smile, no one's ever given her a fist bump before. 

“I-I’m Sarah, and this is Jeremy” she said, voice slightly shaking. Jeremy has never seen his sister this nervous before, even when she got in trouble with their mother and she had gotten violent. He was in awe, and not just because of Peyton.

“Sarah…” Kevin started, like he was trying to remember the most important name in the world. “...I like it. Your name, I mean. Wait is that weird?” he questioned, having just a tiny panic attack in his head. 

‘Think, Kev! How do you talk to a pretty girl! Damn this is too hard!’ the right part of his brain thought, trying to figure out what to say next.

‘Just don’t act weird or dumb, and act tough like the guys at school’ his left brain thought, fighting and trying to calm his right down, all while devising a plan to talk to Sarah.

He had been so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t realize Sarah was staring at him, with a confused look on her face. 

“W-what? Why are you staring?” asked Kevin, trying to defend himself.

“It’s just that… you’re really really pretty” stated Sarah plainly, but with some meaning behind it. She really meant it, with his slightly feminine jawline, and hoe his hair was floppy and soft-looking, or how his deep blue eyes sparkled in the light, like sunlight hitting the ocean.

Kevin blushed, knowing he was just embarrassing himself even more. Peyton looked up at him and laughed, punching him in the leg.

She turned to Sarah. “Looks like my bro’s gotta crush on you! You’re lucky, for the longest time we always thought he was gay-” she was cut off once again by Kevin’s hand, his face very similar to a tomato, or a baboons ass.

Sarah laughed her full, loud, bubbly laugh. Kevin thought it was the greatest thing he’s ever heard in his life. He smiled, knowing he didn’t know anything about this girl, other than she’d be the death of him. In a good way.

Jeremy was still looking shyly at Peyton, wanting to talk but couldn’t. He was about to give up until Peyton turned to him and started just… talking. He wondered how a small girl like Peyton could talk so much. It amazed him.

Peyton was rambling about her newest bandaid (a blue and red Spiderman one) when she asked, “Hey why don’t you talk?”

Jeremy shrugged. He really didn’t know why. He had to many thoughts in his head and if he tried speaking he’d get off track and it’d just be a bundle of mashed up and mixed together words, and then people would think he’s weird and not want to talk to him or be friends with him and not think he’s a freak, so he just didn’t talk.

But don’t people think he’s a freak now? He doesn’t talk, so isn’t that the same and talking and getting things wrong?

“Is it a disease or somethin’?” asked Peyton.

Jeremy shook his head, his curls bouncing.

“Wait- I have an idea” smiled Peyton. Jeremy could tell she was getting excited about something. For what, he had about zero clue, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested.

Then, all of a sudden, Peyton did something with her hands. Jeremy almost missed it, but he could tell what she did, and then he started to grin.

She had just made a quick salute with her hand.

Which means hello in ASL.

Jeremy couldn’t believe this incredible, super pretty, cool, and funny girl knew ASL. Jeremy had been learning since birth, because his father was HOH and tended to not use his hearing aids a lot. So, the solution was that Mr. Heere taught both Sarah and Jeremy ASL. He still does, but they both know the basics enough to understand.

‘Hello, P-E-Y-T-O-N’ Jeremy signed, still grinning like he was a poor man who just won the lottery.

“Ahhhh!” squealed Peyton, jumping up and down. “I can talk to you now! Yay!” She started hopping in circles, until she grabbed Jeremy’s small hands and started spinning each other around, both smiling, and that’s when Sarah heard it.

She heard Jeremy laugh for the first time since school started, since his mother had changed, since he had anything to ever worry about.

She could tell, he was happy. He was happy with Peyton and Peyton was happy with Jeremy. She smiled with empathy, overjoyed that Jeremy could finally laugh again.

“Does he not laugh often?” Kevin asked quietly. “I could tell by your face… It was like you’ve never seen him laugh before, or even be happy”.

“I’ve heard him laugh before” answered Sarah. “It’s just been so long.”

“Why doesn’t he?”

“No one’s sure. After our mom started acting like some fucking nutcase and school started, he just went quiet.”

They didn’t say anything for a while. They watched Jeremy and Peyton happily sign to each other about Spiderman and cartoons, whenever Kevin broke the silence.

“I’m sorry” he said, looking at the ground.

“How does she know ASL?” Sarah asked, changing the subject.

“Oh, our Mom’s deaf, so we’ve been learning ever since we were little” replied Kevin, smiling at the two when the got into a silly argument over which character was better - Tails or Knuckles. “How does Jeremy know?”

“Our Dad’s HOH” said Sarah, looking up from the kids to meet eyes with Kevin. She smiled sweetly, like she really liked him. I mean, she obviously didn’t, loves lame y’know? Even though he had the prettiest eyes, and he was funny and shy and goofy and cute and she just really wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and-

Shit, I’m crushing on this guy! Sarah thought, a wave of panic and love flashing over her.

She quickly brushed away her thoughts, trying to focus on what's in front of her, and what’s going on right now. She didn’t want a relationship. Well, I mean she wanted a relationship but she knew it wouldn’t work out and he’d probably leave like everyone else always did, so what was the point? 

Jeremy and Peyton were excitedly signing to each other. Jeremy was overjoyed, tho. Most people didn’t talk to him, and they don’t know how else to talk to him, so they just ignore him. The fact that Peyton took the time to think of a way to speak to him showed that she cared. That she loved him. Maybe not as much as Jeremy did her, but love was still there.

“Hey, how about I buy you all slushies? On the house, from me” asked Kevin. Peyton yelled “YES!”, Jeremy nodded and smiled, and Sarah just responded with a “sure, dude”.

The way Sarah had responded worried Kevin. Did he do something wrong? He didn’t think he said anything bad, or said something against her or Jeremy. Did he lead on too strong? He didn’t mean to, if that’s the case. He just really liked Sarah. Is it him? Does she just not like me the way I like her?

Kevin’s thoughts were interrupted by Peyton tugging at his sweatshirt. “I want a green one!” she exclaimed, pointing to the slushie machine. There were four flavors ; grape, strawberry, blue raspberry, and green apple. She pulled Kevin with all of her little seven year old might and he grabbed her, Jeremy, and Sarah a cup, lid, and straw. He had to pick up Jeremy and Peyton because they were short and the machine was pretty tall, but Kevin didn’t mind. 

Jeremy had settled on blue raspberry, Peyton got her green apple, Sarah reluctantly took grape, and Kevin got strawberry. They payed and were walking out into the warm night, and whenever Kevin noticed Jeremy and Peyton walk to go sit on the curb, while Sarah and him stood up. The two sides of Kevin’s brian fought and fought until his right won for once, and decided to ask Sarah if he said something.

“Hey… did I say anything back in there that made you upset? Sorry, it just feels like you’re mad at me or something” said Kevin, looking up at Sarah with pleading eyes, silently begging for her to forgive him, for whatever he did wrong.

“What? Oh, no, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. It’s just-” started Sarah. Should she tell him? I mean why not, fuck it y’know? Once in a lifetime opportunity. “-I really like you. A lot. Like I know we just met and you know nothing about me and you probably don’t feel the same but I just, think I’m in love with you? If that’s how it feels I think? I don't’ know, sorry du-”

She was cut off by Kevin leaning in and kissing her. He didn’t want to listen to his brains anymore. His heart was more important. Sarah leaned into the kiss, and as Kevin pulled her closer, he saw he look relaxed for once. Relaxed and happy. He didn’t care about who said anything, and Sarah didn’t care anymore either.

“Woop woop! Get it Kev!” yelled Peyton, noticing that Sarah and Kevin were kissing. Jeremy giggled, his second noise of the night, and Peyton smiled wide when he did. She grabbed his free hand, the one that wasn’t occupying his slushie, and laid her head on his shoulder. Jeremy blushed, trying to think of what to do. He looked down at Peyton, and she looked up at him, and then he said it.

“I love you Peyton…”

It was quiet, and barely audible, but Peyton heard. She smiled, and wrapped her arms around his neck as she jumped up and hugged him as tight as she could. She hugged him like there was no tomorrow, like she’d never see him again. Jeremy put down his slushie, not caring if he spilled it or not, and hugged her back.

Tears started falling from his eyes. “I love you, I love you Peyton, I love you, s-s-so much” he kept repeating, holding her tighter. Peyton giggled, and pulled away from the hug, to brush away his tears. He hadn’t spoken in at least a year, even he was shocked that it happened. 

They continued to hold each other, even if they didn’t know what love meant or if they really loved each other or what the future held. They were young, they were in love. All they knew is that they wanted to stay together forever, or more than forever. Jeremy loved Peyton, and Peyton loved Jeremy. They loved each other. Jeremy spoke because of her. Peyton wanted to be Jeremy’s friend. She hugged him and even held his hand at one point. Jeremy loved her.

They loved each other. Forever and always.

___________________

 

The next thing Jeremy remembered was going home with Sarah. As soon as they walked in, they heard yelling. Screaming. Things being thrown. Glass shattering.

Crying.

Jeremy and Sarah’s mother had a few bags packed, next to the door. One of the bags were Sarah’s things.

The last thing Jeremy ever heard his mother say to him was that he’d grow up to be exactly like his father ; a lazy, depressed, sad, lonely dumbass. 

The last thing Jeremy ever heard Sarah say was that she loved him, and that she’d be back one day. One day.

There were no kisses, or hugs like Peyton’s. As soon as the front door slammed shut, it was quiet. Jeremy’s dad was on his knees on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks. His hearing aids were discarded across the floor, as well as other broken objects.

Jeremy made his way over to his dad and sat down next to him. He pulled him into a tight, loving hug, like Sarah would always hug him, or how Peyton hugged him. Tears started forming in his eyes too, because he knew what had happened. He understood he wouldn’t see them again, no matter how much Sarah promised.

Jeremy and Mr. Heere fell asleep on the floor together, crying. At least they had each other.

At least they wouldn’t leave.

 

___________________

 

May 17th, 1998

 

Jeremy awoke to Jake shaking him awake, looking more scared and confused than Jeremy was. 

“Jeremy, hey baby, please wake up, Jeremy pleas-” he was cut off by Jeremy jumping up and hugging Jake as tight as he could. Like Sarah did him. Like Jake did when they first met. Like he did his dad. Like how Jake continued to hug him.

Tears were streaming down Jeremy’s face as Jake held him close. He rocked him slightly, trying to sooth him. He also hummed quietly into Jeremy’s ear as his grip around Jake’s waist loosed and he began to remember how to breath again.

“Jeremy, hey, look at me” said Jake, taking his hand and putting it gently under Jeremy’s chin, moving the smaller boy’s head up to look the taller in the eye. Those same deep, forest green and pale, seafoam green eyes that never failed to leave Jeremy in awe.

“H-had a nightmare about mom… a-and-” the tears were falling again, shit.

“Hey, Jerbear, take your time okay?” Jake said soothingly, rubbing circles into the other boy’s back.

After a few minutes of this, Jeremy finally broke the silence. “Dreamed a-about mom and S-s-sarah leavin’....” said Jeremy quietly.

Jake nodded, and pulled Jeremy in his lap, so the shorter could lay his head on Jake’s chest as the taller petted his hair softley.

After another while of long silence, it was broken again by Jeremy. 

“I-I love you Jakey” said Jeremy, eyes full of tears that have yet to fall to the ground.

“I love you too Jeremy. Forever?” said Jake, looking Jeremy in the eyes.

The other boy sniffed, letting out a shaky laugh.

“And always”


End file.
